JUMP!

So a while back I posted about death. Well, a friend read my post and suggested I read The Undertaking by Thomas Lynch. I decided back then that I'd read it over Spring Break, the first bit of non-school, read-for-pleasure literature I would digest before getting back to the grind. This was, of course, before I purchased the skydiving ticket or made plans to jump out of a plane on Spring Break and I wondered if I was jinxing myself.

The day of was cloudy and when Natalie and I got to the drop zone, we were concerned we might not be able to jump. I would have been okay with that a couple weeks prior but I was determined to jump that day. I didn't want to wait, I was ready.

We watched a super old video with a lawyer on it while we filled out about 10 pages of liability release forms. It was kind of ridiculous really and I'm pretty sure that a small part of it is to build the hype of jumping out of a plane. After some waiting around for papers to process we had about 5 minutes worth of jump instruction. It's really easy. You squat at the edge of the plane, hands crossed over your chest, fall to your knees, arch your back. When your tandem buddy taps your shoulder, open your arms, give a thumbs up. Piece of cake. Funny story: one girl asked her friend, "What happens if I can't hold the squatting position and I fall?" I think that's the point, honey.

I was paired with Ron, Ron Stan. He had blue eyes and long dark blond dreads. I was secretly jealous of his hair. Confession: I've always wanted dreadlocks. He introduced himself to me, shook my hand and looked me in the eye for a second or two before saying, "You look incredibly calm." I told him I was even though I didn't know why. He said, "You're just ready to do this." I caught him looking at me quite a bit on the ride up. I take it he was trying to gauge my reaction to it all. I don't know. He didn't talk to me or try to pump me up like the other instructors seemed to be doing with their peeps. I was quiet and feeling...inner peace. Just calm, feeling good, enjoying the sights out the window, laughing a bit at all the girls freaking out... in a good way. They definitely generated a certain energy that was felt in the plane. When the door opened, things got loud. Ron and I were last to jump.

It's funny because it happens so quick but time seems to be slowed down in your mind, at least it was for me. Things were very clear, it was like clock-work. I know I gasped and held my breath when we first left the plane. I felt my stomach drop for about two seconds as I did a full somersault, maybe two. Then the stabilizer parachute deployed because in a split second I was on my stomach. I felt the tap-tap on my shoulder, put my arms out, thumbs up.

The wind was cold and loud. Coupled with the quick change in altitude, my ears probably got the worst of anything. Once you reach terminal velocity you don't feel like you're falling anymore. The force of gravity pulling you toward earth is equal to the forces of drag caused by your body position and the wind friction, thus there is no acceleration. Your speed is constant but for all you know, you could just be in a wind tunnel.

Looking down on the earth was incredible. It gets closer and closer but you still feel so detached from it that any fear of heights is diminished. We flew through a cloud, which was probably the coolest thing ever. For a second the air was thick, humid, and a cold mist chilled my face. Then I heard the rip and I knew my instructor was deploying the parachute. I reminded myself that I'd feel a pull in just a second and sure enough away we went. We got views of Mexico, the ocean, the lake below and the beautiful mountains. We maneuvered around a bit before coming in for the landing. "Terra firma," solid earth. I was back home.

When you ask someone why they would NOT want to jump out of a plane, naturally it is because of fear. But fear of what? Is it really a fear of heights? Or is it s fear of death? And if it is death, it's time to ask yourself the deep question: Why am I afraid to die? Does it come down to fear of the unknown? I realized that being okay with this ambiguity is really what made me able to jump out of the plane with minimal anxiety.

That's me! I don't know who this other guy is, he wasn't my instructor. Kind wish I got a picture with Ron. Guess I'll just have to go back!

So that's it! I totally want to go again. I can't stop thinking about it. I happened to look up an article on the psychology of skydiving after good ol' Dad, who always has to know the underlying reasons for my actions, asked me, "What is going on with your psyche that made you want to do this?" Still looking out for me in every sense. Love him. Well, this is the part that stood out to me and gave me a good laugh...

Skydivers who reported signs of being addicted to jumping, tended to be the least anxious before a jump. Having one's calmness recognised by others in the skydiving community "when others are feeling life-endangering fear and panic might be a major reinforcing factor", the authors concluded.

I just might be a candidate for addiction.