Introducing Craig

One of these things is not like the other.


Hint: It's not Eddie's stocking.

Who is Craig you ask? I have no clue. He doesn't live here. I have no boy named Craig.

Last year, just before Christmas, we got an unexpected package from one of my grandpas and his wife. Inside were some stockings with names embroidered on them. I thought it was a really nice gesture. Between the two of them {through previous marriages} my grandparents have 15 kids and quite frankly too many grandkids and great-grandkids to count. So I'm guessing that one of the stockings got mixed up...

We had a really good laugh about it last year. Jadon thought it was really funny that he had a stocking with Craig's name on it {whoever Craig is} and he even set it out for Santa to fill. But not without some reassurance that Santa would in fact know that the stocking was really meant for him and not some kid named Craig.


This year we had a good laugh again as we pulled out the stockings. Jadon used it again but without any worries that Santa would be confused. See why HERE. And don't worry, I kept the 'fun' in dysfunctional by putting kids Mucinex in his stocking. He really has been sick lately and that medicine is like kiddie crack. Seriously, Jadon was more excited for his Mucinex than the candy. Can you believe I had to get my ID swiped to buy that stuff?

On the Subject of Self-Worth

Disclaimer: This is quite possibly the longest post ever. Happy reading.

Not that there was any discussion about my "editorial" inspired by my parent-teacher conference with Jadon's teacher {at least, not to my knowledge} but I think I need to do a follow-up post on the subject of "Everyone is Special" because I don't want to give off the impression that I don't think anyone is special. I just think it needs to be clarified as to why exactly this is true. For this reason it has been on my mind lately. What can I say? I have no desire to clean or go Christmas shopping, I'm out of school, so this tends to be the result: more blog posts. Anyway, I decided to examine three different stories, meant for children {of various ages}, that address this subject and attempt to explain it.

If you are LDS or grew up Mormon, you will probably remember a Sunday School lesson or two in which the teacher failed to prepare a lesson and had you watch Johnny Lingo instead. {Oh how we looked forward to those Sundays!} The 1969 version is classic although would probably be considered a little politically incorrect, maybe even culturally insensitive, like a lot of films made in 1969. But a newer full-length film, The Legend of Johnny Lingo, was made that is better and tells the story in greater detail. Anyway, if you have 25 minutes, you can watch the original in three parts, below...







So how does Johnny Lingo attempt to explain self-worth? I thought he summed it up himself when he said, "There are many things that can make a woman beautiful, but what matters most is what she thinks of herself." I think this can be a good message because I don't think someone's self-worth should be wholly dependent on what someone else thinks of you. However, when someone sees you for who you are and gives value to it... I think there is the potential to help that person increase the value they see within themselves, their self-worth, defined as one's worth as a person, as perceived by oneself.

My next reference is a chapter from a book entitled, The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. If you haven't read this story, read it. It's a book for children but it includes timeless lessons, truths really. Personally, I found it to be quite moving.


Here is the excerpt from chapter 21. Go read it. Now.

I love that the fox teaches the prince that, "It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important." Isn't it so true that when we spend time with someone, get to know them, grow to love them that they become special to us? I mean, it seems so simple but if I were to see a random person on the street, unless they were doing something outwardly exceptional, I wouldn't think they were very special. But that doesn't mean they are not found to be special in the eyes of someone else.

Which is actually a good sedge-way into the third piece of literature, a book for children called You Are Special by Max Lucado. Sorry, no links to chapters or story boards here but you can find a summary and review here. I think I first heard this story when I was 14 for 15, at a time when it is easy to question one's self-worth. Again, this story emphasizes how one's self-worth can be buoyed up when someone else sees your worth. But this someone else is perhaps the most important person. When we have a personal relationship with our maker and really feel like He knows us, the effects are powerful, long-lasting and life-changing.


So if I bring this full circle and quote again the constitution, that "all men are created equal," created by God as our founding fathers believed. If God is the supreme being who created us all, then we should all be considered equal in His sight. It goes back to this intrinsic value I mentioned in my earlier post. Now to take it a step further and apply it to my own life... If I were to see a random person on the street, I wouldn't think they were very special unless I remembered that they too are a divine creation. Would not this influence the way I treat them, the way I see them as not only a fellow human being but a brother or a sister? Think about this the next time someone cuts you off in traffic or the next time you see a homeless person. See if your attitude towards them changes. Consider it a social experiment if you must. The world might just end up being a little bit better of a place when we do.

Hodgepodge

Once upon a time in another life, I thought it would be nice to have a Christmas tree with matching ornaments and a color scheme. Think Pottery Barn. Of course, I thought this when we had no money and no kids. Ha!

Coincidentally, mine and Ed's families had a similar Christmas tradition started by our mothers when we were children. Both our moms kept Christmas ornaments for each of their children so we would have some ornaments to trim our tree with when we had our first Christmas on our own. So flashback to our first Christmas together when we each pulled out our little shoe boxes of ornaments. It was quite nostalgic because each ornament brought back many childhood memories. And each year, the tradition {and all the memories that come with it} repeats himself.




Since that first Christmas, we've tried to get an ornament for each of the boys and perhaps one for ourselves each year so our little collection continues to grow. Not to mention that 2/3 of our Christmas lights went missing so we're a little sparse this year. Oh and let's not leave out the way our star is lopsided. {I say it gives our tree a kind of Charlie Brown-ish charm.} The result: this little hodgepodge tree, not fit for a Pottery Barn catalog, but full of love.

Parent-Teacher Conference

I met with Jadon's teacher recently for parent-teacher conference and not only did she tell me he had a "very advanced vocabulary for his age" and a "dark sense of humor" that was "completely inappropriate for the class," she also showed me some of Jadon's work. On the first day of class she had the kids write why they were special. While most kids wrote about how they were good at some subject or sport, Jadon wrote, "I'm special because I'm different."

When I mentioned this to a friend, he replied, "Isn't that a little circular?" It is indeed, which is one of the reasons I laugh at it. Jadon certainly prides himself in being different, or unique, and I love that. I think he is quite comfortable in his own skin and isn't afraid to share what is on his mind. Yet, if you've seen The Incredibles, you would know that the irony of saying everyone is special is that it's like saying nobody is. {Great film by the way.}



I think this attitude permeates our society because we don't want to hurt the feelings or damage the vulnerable egos of America's youth. But part of this ideology can be traced back to the words of our Constitution, "that all men are created equal." While we can say that intrinsically we are equal, meaning we should have equal value, the reality is that we are not all equal. {I should also note that historically, Americans didn't think people were intrinsically equal either...Native Americans. Slaves. Immigrants. Women.} I mean, all you have to do is look around to see that. Some people are born into better circumstances than others which has the potential to cause great disparity throughout that person's life. One person might be of a certain ethnicity or sexual orientation which doesn't guarantee them certain liberties. Some are blessed with more talents than others or have more opportunity to develop them. Many people have a wide range of disabilities that have the potential to hinder them. My list could go on and on.

Individuals could never be equal in that they are the same or have the same things. This egalitarian concept is what many Americans consider to be the antithesis of their values {ie; individualism, capitalism, etc.} But wait a minute. If Americans value individualism so much, why do the homes in many American suburbs look like they all came from same cookie-cutter? And why are "social deviants" bullied? And why do we still try to tote this "everyone is special" mantra?


I suppose Jadon could be considered a genius had he purposefully written, "I am special because I am different" as a satirical jab at this social irony. But alas, no one is perfect {which could arguably be like saying that everyone is}.

Out of the Mouths (or other orifices) of Babes

1. With Christmas approaching, Jadon decided he must make his list for Santa. [I think he keeps forgetting about the whole Santa-not-being-alive-anymore conversation and I'm not sure if I should be reminding him that he's a non-believer. Also, it really worries me that if he already forgot about the Santa talk, he already forgot the sex talk too. But I'm not going to do any reminding about that.] Anyway, the list. The first half consisted of several books he would like while the second half contained the following (in this order): a Nintendo DS, a TV, a laptop, a dog and another brother.

Keep dreaming big my friend.

2. Zac was watching some Barney show about making music to which Barney said, "Everyone can make music." I asked Zac if he could make music. He smiled. Then he farted. No joke. The boy may not say much, but he sure is clever.


3. Okay, this next story really isn't funny if you are a 'normal' person because it has to do with finding humor in my son's disappointment. Nor did anything funny or enlightening come out of his mouth. I suppose the point is to illustrate how socially retarded I am. Anyway, we recently signed Jadon up for flag football [completely his idea]. Of course, I think he will have fun and do well. Then Jadon asked me today if he'll get to wear all the gear and pads and stuff when he plays football. I told him no, because he is signed up for flag football. He almost cried. And I was laughing hysterically. It was better than watching a sad clown. Oh my gosh, I'm so horrible. It just never occurred to me that he would ask to be signed up for a sport that he didn't have the slightest idea about. So perhaps I was really laughing more at myself for this error? Yeah, who am I kidding. Don't worry, I proceeded to explain to him what flag football was and told him that I thought it was a very fun game to play. That seemed to appease him.

4. Zac continuously says, "Naked boy!" any time he takes off an article of clothing. Except it sounds more like "neh-hee boy." I love it.

5. Eddie got food poisoning last week and when Jadon found out he said, "Now Dad, I've thrown up before. All you gotta do to get through it is stay calm. And don't eat much food for the day." It was really quite sweet and very authoritative.

6. Jadon found out that I've written a poem of two and decided to write his own. His inspiration: a candle that was burning in my bedroom. It's entitled,
Beautiful Fire
How I just love to see the candle burning
Blue on bottom
Yellow in middle
Red on the top
Of the nice, peaceful, beautiful fire


7. Jadon also typed a paper at school in the computer lab. The prompt was about helping others. He said that most kids in his class only came up with 2 or 3 things while he wrote this:

You help others by making donations and help by giving old clothing, food, and a nice home. Also you should really be nice to others. You don't know how long they'll be around. You should really be nice even if they don't like you and you don't like them. People try to help you with problems like if you're lost and you try to help them. People try to help family members, a friend, or a pet. All sorts of things help people like bugs eat insects that try to eat farmers' crops. Or the venus fly trap eats up flies. Policemen keep the city safe from robbers. There are also people like this called mall cops. They stop bad guys from robbing the mall. Helping people is great.

8. Mom, did you know that if people kept peeing until they were 32 that you and Dad would still be peeing?

Never a dull moment...

Sex and Santa Claus

Jadon: Mom, if Santa Claus and St. Nicolas are the same person, but you can only become a saint after you die, how is Santa Claus even alive?

{Yes, that would be my kid using deductive reasoning to conclude that Santa does not exist. Well, he was open to my explanation and I wasn't about to stifle his logical thinking.}

Me: That's a good question. I don't really have an answer for it because you're absolutely correct.

Jadon: Really?! So do you believe in Santa Claus?

Me: I believe in what he stands for and what he represents.

Jadon: Wait, so you believe in what he represents but you don't believe that he exists? Then how did I get all those presents from him?

Me: Well, moms and dads buy gifts and write that they are from him so that the spirit of giving can stay alive.

Jadon: So when did St. Nicolas die?

Me: He probably died a long, long time ago.

Jadon: So how do we know all about him?

Me: We don't. You see, over the years people have added things to the story: that his name is Santa Claus, that he lives in the North Pole and has elves that help make toys and that he drives a sleigh with flying reindeer.

Jadon: Well, you were going to have to tell me sooner or later because I would have to know that in order to keep his spirit living for when I have kids.


{Kid was not heartbroken one bit.}

But I couldn't help but thinking that:

A) all the excuses I was giving him were similar to how one could explain away the existence and/or divinity of Jesus Christ. {Which admittedly caused me to have a mini-evaluation of my own faith.}


and B) that given the events that took place earlier this week (ie; the sex talk) I feel like I have officially robbed my child of his innocence.

SO for those of you wondering how the sex talk went...

I used this picture:


Explained how women have eggs, men have sperm. Sperm fertilizes the egg and an embryo is created that looks like so after about 6 weeks:


And after 40 weeks, a baby is fully grown and the mom gives birth.


Some key terms were thrown out such as uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries, testicles, etc. and their basic functions provided. I was also sure to include that we were given these body parts to create life and that they were not to be abused or misused. You know, the whole your body is a temple philosophy. {I figure I'll have to keep reinforcing that one as he gets older.}


He was really quite fascinated. Of course, he had some more questions like:
How does the sperm get inside the woman? Which got the standard reaction: GROSS!

And these were some of my favorite follow up questions of his:

Jadon: Wait, that means you and dad had to do that after I was alive so you could make Zac. Where was I???

Me: You were asleep in your bed.

Jadon: And I didn't even know?

Me: No, nor will you ever.

Jadon: Do I have sperm?

Me: No, not yet.

Jadon: When will I get sperm?

Me: You'll get sperm when you're a teenager.

At which point, Jadon proceeded to look down at his crotch in awe and say: WOW.

Then, after some consideration of all his newly acquired information, Jadon said: Well, I'm kind of glad I'm a boy because we have the easy job because we don't have to keep a baby in our belly for 9 months and push it out and...and...

Me: Yes, yes you do son. {Smart kid.}

In conclusion, I think the human body is an amazing thing. But I'm really glad that one is over with... for now.

Fortunes for Fortune Cookies

Recently, Jadon figured that he could do a better job at creating fortunes for fortune cookies.

And I think he was right.

Piece of Cake

So when stuff happens like an alarm system flare up that disables your vehicle, a flat tire, a broken toe, or even a dead girl found in her apartment from a drug overdose... all of which are added to the multiple activities, appointments, deadlines and commitments that are already set in motion... and you wonder how you're going to get it fixed, make it work, be there for everyone, succeed, and maybe find an outlet for your stress so you don't explode...I always try to have the attitude that things will work out, say a little prayer, believe that things will work together for my good, trust, experience the small miracle, recognize it as such, and be grateful.

Since I couldn't run [away] and sweat out the added stress of recent events [because I didn't have enough stress in my life already], I decided some baking was in order. One morning, I acquired a recipe for pumpkin cake with cream cheese frosting and was pretty sure I had all the ingredients. Nope. I soon realized that this cake proved to be a metaphor for my life.

Sometimes you don't have any pumpkin, pretty much the main ingredient. But you have sweet potato to substitute with. Sometimes you don't have any white sugar. But you have some raw sugar and some brown sugar. You might not be sure how it will work as a substitute so you just have to hope that it will do. Sometimes you are worried about the flour which is really important in baked goods. You don't have enough in the main jar so you have to dig through your pantry in hopes of finding some stashed away somewhere. Lo and behold, you find some extra and it is exactly enough. Sometimes you are short on the cream cheese but you throw it in the frosting anyway because you don't want the little you can provide to go to waste. Oh and instead of using a standard cake pan, you use a sheet cake pan [much bigger] because sometimes you need to stretch what you have so that it is enough for you, your family, and others. Our lives can be much this way. In the end we may have done the best we could to follow the recipe but end up yielding a make-shift, improvised end-product.

Not to brag but rather to illustrate my point, this little "pumpkin" sheet cake of mine turned out to be pretty incredible, all things considered. I was able to keep some for my family and share the rest with friends at the Institute. One guy said it melted in his mouth, another that it was really delicious, another that it was so light, another [actually more than one] scarfed way more than they anticipated to. Now, I am my greatest critic when it comes to cooking but I don't even like cake and I thought it was good. Most people were really surprised after they took their first bite [I guess they didn't think I could cook or something] and by the end of the evening, the pan was cleared. I was happy, they were happy. And things worked out.


Sometimes life can be a piece of cake.

All I Want for Christmas...

Is my two front teeth.

Big Boys

The thought of Zac turning 4 next month is really giving me mixed emotions. I've long known that I don't really have a 'toddler' anymore but rather a "little boy." However, because of some of Zac's delays, I'll admit it is sometimes nice to feel like you still have a toddler around. It's almost like his childhood has been extended. Of course it has its challenges and frustrations too but overall, I'd count it as a blessing that I get to experience his innocense for a lot longer than I would otherwise. Alas, Zac is growing up and has completely entered the realm of little-boyhood. Luckily, he will still give me hugs and kisses, snuggle while we read books and tell me he missed me when I pick him up from school. That boy really melts my heart.


Zac keeps saying more and more words (or attempting to) so we are extremely pleased with that. He loves going to school and insists on being such a big boy lately! He wants to pee standing up (he's potty training right now) and wants to sit in a big boy booster seat in the car (and since he's totally big enough to and it's so much easier, I let him) and he's always wanting to put his backpack on for school. He hums as he does things and while it might seem as if he's in his own little world I wouldn't be surprised if that's the case I am really happy that he musters up the courage and confidence to do things on his own. I think this will be an invaluable gift in his life as he will encounter challenges he'll need to overcome. (Oh and it's okay to laugh at this next picture, we know he looks kind of "special" in it...)


It's funny how kids are so different. With Zac, I knew from the beginning he was going to be one who goes at his own pace. If any type of change was going to take place, it was going to have to be his idea. Thus, I waited to potty-train him and what do you know, one day he just took off his diaper and went. Of course we have to work on the consistency and perhaps deal with the stigma of being almost four and not in underpants yet. But honestly, a mile-stone is a mile-stone and the fact that I knew for sure Zac was ready when we started and that he might take a little longer to transition is something I'm really okay with. And here I was worried about how I was going to get him to sit in a booster seat instead of his car seat when it came time to make the change and again, one day, he just sat in Jadon's booster. I'm so glad I stuck to my intuition. I really think mom's know what's best for their individual kids and that it's not something that is the same across the board for everyone.


With Jadon, I knew that if I pushed him to do harder things, his self-efficacy would grow and because of his personality, he would really truly believe that he could do anything. Of course, traits like these are like a double-edged sword because while he believes that he can accomplish his goals, he also believes that it is entirely possible to get around going to bed on-time. But when he does the hard things after some poking and prodding, he is always really excited to look back and say, "I did that!"


Jadon really likes school and recently got an award for "sharing his thinking with the class." It's okay to laugh, we did too. As his principal announced the award she started talking about how Jadon sees the world through a very unique lens and likes to share that with everyone he meets. True. Jadon's teacher from last year came up to me and almost a little misty-eyed said, "It looks like someone else appreciates Jadon for who he is." I really feel blessed that he's had teachers that have supported his creativity and "uniqueness" but have also given him a structured environment in which to learn.


He is always making us laugh and recently shared with me that he wishes we had bidets in America so he wouldn't have to wipe so much... boys.


Just the other day, he dressed up as "a 20th century Mexican local" why no, my Latin American studies have absolutely no effect on my kids whatsoever He loves drawing pictures and writing stories and comics. He checks out a class book everyday and is always reading and telling us about what he's read. He's also very interested in anything prehistoric related right now and likes watching shows on Netflix that have to do with...




yep, that's right, cavemen, evolution, dinosaurs, ice-age animals, Pangaea, etc. I think it's all good except that we need to fast-forward through any type of, ahem, mating scenes because I'm really not ready to have that talk yet. It's funny how he goes through different phases of things he wants to know more about. Just today he told me that he must have descended from one fast monkey and a crazy one too I might add.

Joan

Today I attended your memorial service and it was beautiful. I have always admired you for being a remarkable woman, daughter of a Heavenly Father, wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, educator, scientist, feminist, social activist, scholar and woman of faith. Your influence has extended into the lives of tens of thousands of people. Thank you for all the thought-provoking lessons, heartfelt smiles, and hugs. Love, emily


A while back I dropped off some food at my church for a luncheon following a memorial service. I had the opportunity of chatting with a friend who had attended the services and she said something to the effect of, "I like coming to these because they inspire me to do better." My initial reaction was that she was crazy because confession: I sincerely dislike attending funerals. Once again, I was a coward in that I tried looking for a way out of this one. I thought I had it when I found out our indoor soccer team would start playing Saturday mornings this week. As it turned out, we had a BYE week. The funeral was back on my schedule. Then someone mentioned practicing instead. Oh good, off the hook. But then no one confirmed a time and place. I think the universe was trying to send me a message...

Funeral it was. Except this time, I tried to see it as something I could do to honor Joan's memory and as a cathartic experience for my soul rather than a rehashing of sorrow and potential cleansing of my tear ducts. To my surprise I really didn't cry too much. I actually felt a lot of peace and was really able to reflect on the purpose of life. A few things were brought to the forefront of my mind:

Life is short, have a sense of humor...


Mourning is one of the deepest expressions of pure love. It is a natural response in complete accord with divine commandment: “Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die.” (Doctrine and Covenants 42:45) Moreover, we can’t fully appreciate joyful reunions later without tearful separations now. The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life. Russell M. Nelson

Time is cyclical, not linear; an idea expressed in this poem by Mary Elizabeth Frye:

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.

Science and religion can co-exist. Joan studied primates and evolution while she was a professor at SDSU. She used to say that the study of science is the study of God's handiwork. The more they learn about each other, the more compatible they will become. As a child of a physicist of sorts, I was raised with this thought-process. There is no need to reject knowledge because it does not answer all your questions. Just like there is no need to reject religion for the same reason. We are taught that "truth is knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come" and that "the Spirit of truth is of God" (Doctrine and Covenants 93: 24&26)

And finally, it doesn't really matter how you believe our friend lives on. A scholar might believe she exists in a metaphysical realm. A naturalist might believe she exists in nature and that she is all around us. A theologian might believe that her spirit lives in paradise waiting to be reunited with her body perfected, also referred to as a resurrection to eternal life. But where she exists for everyone, regardless of our spiritual beliefs, is in our own minds, through our memories and the experiences we shared with her.



Joan, you will be greatly missed.

Following

This past weekend we had General Conference. What's that? It's when leaders of our church speak to the members. It happens twice a year. We get to stay home and watch it on the internet {or cable or satellite if you have it}. We don't have to wear church dress or struggle with the kids during Sacrament meeting {which in my opinion, is the best part}. I don't know about anyone else who watches it, but it is without a doubt, my least productive weekend of the year. But I'm okay with that.

Before I jump right into all my thoughts on Conference, which really boils down to just one thesis {Did she really use the word thesis? Yes I just used the word thesis while talking about religion on my blog} I should give a preface that in the LDS religion {aka Mormons} we believe that the acting president of our church is also called to be a prophet, seer and revelator. And that's not all. He has counselors, two of them, and 12 apostles, in the same manner that the church was organized while Jesus Christ was on the earth. That's right, we believe in a living, breathing prophet who is called to lead us in these modern times. And no, he's not a wizard nor does he have a beard like Charlton Heston in the film 10 Commandments. His name is Thomas S Monson and his friends call him Tommy.



He gave a wonderful talk about being grateful and how to adopt that attitude in our own lives. Many of the talks given during Conference are uplifting. But I'll admit, sometimes there are things we hear that are hard to swallow, things we are counseled to do or not do that are hard. It's a very personal thing weather or not you choose to follow. Some see not following as a lack of faith or even rejecting God. Some feel you shouldn't question, that you should follow almost with a blind obedience. I think this is wrong.

You see, we believe in something called agency. It is the power to act of your own free will and not to be acted upon. It is a central tenant of our religion and a very basic doctrine of our church. It basically means that we should choose to follow the Lord and that whatever conscious effort to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ or follow the prophet, should be of our own free will and choice.


But this choice does not always come easily, even when we have received a testimony or witness that the Prophet speaks for the Lord. It comes easily for those who have unshakable faith; it comes easily for those who are looking for someone to tell them what to do, to make the right choice for them. However, it does not come easily to one whose only concern is their own will, of whom will probably chose not following without a second thought. Nor will it be easy for one who questions {like myself} But I don’t necessarily think questioning is a reflection on one's faith, meaning their faith is questionable. It simply means they must reconcile their own free will with the will of the God {to follow the prophet}. Perhaps this is a sorry rationalization, but isn't there more to be said for someone who ponders over and even has to struggle to make the Lord’s will their own?

John Milton said something somewhat similar in Areopagitica:

He that can apprehend and consider vice with all her baits and seeming pleasures, and yet abstain, and yet distinguish, and yet prefer that which is truly better, he is the true wayfaring Christian. I cannot praise a fugitive and cloister'd vertue, unexercis'd & unbreath'd, that never sallies out and sees her adversary, but slinks out of the race, where that immortall garland is to be run for, not without dust and heat.

So I guess Milton summed up my thesis for me. Okay, I know the Olde English is hard to understand. Here is something along the same lines from Aristotle: The mark of an educated mind is to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. I suppose it goes both ways with this one. But my point is that we will get pulled in different directions and we might question something we are asked to do or not to do. But if we study it out in [our] mind which perhaps means entertaining possible choices that are contrary to following the prophet or doing the Lord's will, we can then be guided to make the correct choice, through our own free will, despite all the other things we could be doing. And that's all that can really be asked of us.

I know this post is super long-winded but I'd like to end with one last quote, which hangs on a wall in the Institute {and that unfortunately has no identified source} but still helps me reconcile my questioning with my following:

Faith is not believing without proof; it is trust without reservation.

Bittersweet

This morning, my little (or not so little) Zac climbed into bed with me with his book under one arm and his brother's new harmonica in the other. We snuggled under the "covies" as we call them, got comfortable and read Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do You See? I read it once, slowly, wanting the moment with him to last as long as possible. Then we read it again. He was done after the second round so he got off the bed, put his book back underneath one arm and harmonica in the other. As he started to leave my room, he stopped at the foot of my bed and played me a little tune. I smiled big at him which in turn made him smile. I loved that all I had to do was smile at him and it made him happy.

Then it hit me. This child of mine will not always be able to see my face. And I wondered: When he does loose his sight, what vision in his head, what memory of his mother's face will he keep?

At first, I thought to myself that I always want him to see me smiling. I want him to remember the happy face of his mother. Yeah that thought faded rather quickly. For me to be smiling 100% of the time would not only mean burning cheeks, it would be a farce. Besides, I don't want my child to remember a robot. I'm human, I have feelings and experience a variety of emotions. And I don't care if he remembers a face with crows feet or forehead wrinkles or a face without make-up either.

I want Zac to remember my face and how my eyes light up when I see him, his brother and his father; how my brow furrows slightly when I'm questioning something; the sorrow in my expression when I hear about death or destruction; the shape of my mouth when I laugh; the tears in my eyes... I want Zac to think of my face and internalize his mother's love.



I do hope for a cure for RP and in time for my son to benefit from it. Yet at the same time, I have to accept what reality might be for Zac. And it's bittersweet.

¡Feliz Cumpleaños!

We had a whirlwind of a week celebrating mine and Jadon's birthdays! My sister and her little man Owen came to see us from Arizona. We had a lot of fun spending time together, shopping, swimming and just hanging out. On Wednesday we took Jadon and Owen to the Mormon Battalion Visitors' Center in Old Town.


It is a historic site that was remodeled not too long ago. There is a really cool presentation and interactive museum. The best part is that it is free so I would highly recommend it to anyone visiting San Diego. Or even if you already live here but haven't visited this place yet, go!

Thank you Julie for letting me "borrow" these pictures from your blog. The card reader for my camera is missing and just in time for so many September events {ie; back to school, birthdays, etc.}


Jadon has been to the museum like three times in the last three months so he knew all the answers to everything. Luckily the tourists found it charming. He was also the only kid on tour so he got to play with all the artifacts without any competition. Thank you Uncle Robe for playing with Zac so we didn't have to worry about potential melt-downs or mischief!


Love that face!


My beautiful sister and I. She's the greatest. I love her so much.

So I asked Jadon what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday our exchange went something like this:

Me: Jadon what kind of cake do you want for your birthday?
J: Orange.
Me: The color orange or the flavor orange?
J: Both.
Me: What kind of frosting do you want?
J: Chocolate

So I was off to the internet to search for an orange-flavored cake. Luckily I found one and modified it a bit. I made two thin layers of cake, each of which had an orange glaze infused throughout. Then I added a layer of chocolate chips between the cakes {which ended up melting together in the heat...yum!} Lastly, I frosted the darn thing with milk chocolate frosting. Boo. I would have opted for a dark chocolate fudge frosting but it was per Jadon's request. Thank you Mama W for letting me use your cake pan!


We nick-named the cake, Cavity Cake. Did I tell you that I might have a special talent for enhancing the richness and decadence in things already sweet? Dentists, you may thank me later.


Jadon blowing out his sparking candles that are not sparkling.


I am convinced the next nudist beach in San Diego will be named after my kids in homage to their distaste for clothing.



The day after my sister left, my mom and brother, Greg, came to visit us for the weekend. {Once again, I'm pilfering pictures from my brother...you know, because of the card reader thing...} My mom and I got to go out to dinner while all the boys stayed home. It was nice having that time with just my mom. Then, Jadon and Uncle Greg went to a movie Friday night then back to the hotel for a sleep-over that Jadon was very excited about.


Jadon and his friend M had a great time together playing in the waves, building castles and having mud fights.


Every time we go to the beach, Jadon gets upset because he'd rather swim in the freezing cold pool instead of the freezing cold ocean. And every time we get to the beach, he thoroughly enjoys himself. Then every time we leave, he throws a fit because he doesn't want to go. Sensing a pattern here???



Nothing beats family in paradise!